Monday, July 05, 2004

Some Things I've Learned

Can't sleep. To bed sometime after ten pm with FI, who nursed obsessively until after 11. Endured many awakenings by FI who was evidently filling her grubby little shorts, which takes a surprising amount of effort considering output is a) scant and b) erm, loose. Finally she woke for feeding at 4:45 am which was over with by sometime after 5, and after which I could not settle back down. Cats skirmishing all over bedroom not helpful in this regard.

So, to basement for laundry (bought new Gargantuan shorts yesterday, so have added Incentive to finish same) and a spot of blogging. A good and sensible person would be cleaning kitchen, but there you have it. Apparently am neither good nor sensible.

Have learned some things from becoming New Parent, which I list here for your Enjoyment. Note: List is neither comprehensive nor particularly useful. Your results may vary.

1. Experienced parents are right smug bastards. Usually helpful, or at least full of advice on every topic, but also full of, "Ha ha, you fool, you have no idea what you're getting into, muwahahahaha!" type comments.

2. Always have a set of clean sheets on hand if co-sleeping. One never does know when Ensign Huggies over there will have a hull breech belowdecks and defile one's moorings with bilge. If you get my inexplicably nautically-themed reference.

3. Keep a wide variety of highly absorbent items nearby. Flannel receiving blankets, cloth diapers, washcloths, dirty socks, whatever. Handy for the containment of various expulsions, repulsions, propulsions, seepage, spewage, and sewage coming out of your precious little darling. Ever have your garbage disposal back up? This is much, much worse.

4. The cordless baby monitor is the most useful item ever made, provided you can get the baby to sleep anywhere but in your arms. Buy 9 volt batteries in bulk.

5. Ditto the swing, once you can get the baby to not hate it with every fiber of her tiny little being. Infants are at the very mercy of its damnable soothing sway and treacherous musical lullaby. Buy D cell batteries in bulk also. By the truckload if you can manage it. Am considering having loading dock installed in home.


Cate said...

Well, as an example of (1), I will tell you that pretty soon (2) gets thrown out the window in favor of (3). I'm horrified to think of the things we threw a cloth diaper on and rolled over went back to sleep. Perhaps you'll do better with the general hygiene of the family bed. (muwahahahaha!)


Impetua said...

Well, we're getting there ourselves. We did sleep on defiled sheets x 2 days before finding time/energy/inclination to change them... Evidently I have a lot of "letting go" to do. :P