So yesterday was the long-anticipated First Day of Nursing School. I barely slept a wink the night before, so anxious was I. I had spent Sunday cleaning the office out, (which involved about five hours worth of long overdue filing and where I now sit in very tidy and studious splendor), and failed to get to bed at much of a decent hour, what with all that World of Warcraft I had to play to quell my anxiety.
Anyway, yesterday morning I headed up to Euphemism College's building on the campus of Hyperbole University, a shiny new campus with shiny new buildings and shiny new Extremely Cold Weather up there on its little hill above Bedroom Community. I parked using my spanky parking pass, hiked across campus pulling my Highly Recommended Rolling Backpack, and settled into a spot outside the classroom to read a bit before going in at the appointed hour. Around me I recognized several other students from the orientation (or, as I like to think of it, The Butt-Numbing Marathon of Confusion) last month, all trying to read our incomprehensible text, and all struggling along at roughly the same page I had given up on myself. This made me feel much better.
Class was more like another orientation, this time introducing us to The Module System of Learning, by which they mean things like Now That You are Adult College Students You Must Be Self Directed, and Here is the Testing Center Where You Are Forbidden To Speak Or Ingest Anything, and If You Cheat We Will Banish You to a Special Circle of Hell in Which You Will Flip Burgers For All Eternity And So Will Your Children, Forever And Ever Amen. Then we were made to review endless reams of Course Outlines, Syllabi, and Modules. Oh my. We are very nearly assimilated, I think. Resistance is futile.
We then had an hour off to get some dinner, the very limited cafe having closed inexplicably at 3pm, after which we had to come back for another class. I spent my break eating Drive-Thru Crap In A Sack and listening to a Harry Potter book-on-cd in the car. Once again we were further Oriented, more documents were reviewed in extreme detail, and the instructor very kindly let us out a bit early after telling us we all were "looking a bit crispy."
I went home, avoided anything that smacked of schoolwork, and again could not sleep.
Today I went to the first session of yet another class, became yet further Oriented, and made the acquaintance of a classmate whom I witnessed playing World of Warcraft on her laptop on the break the night before. Hallelujah. Let there be gaming.
After a bit of a nap today, I trotted on down to the Euphemism College Seriously Overpriced Campus Monopoly Bookstore and purchased what surely must be the world's ugliest tote bag, which comes filled with supplies for use in the Skills Lab and therefore costs ninety bucks. We have been warned time and again that we are NOT to open any of the supplies until bidden to do so in class, and furthermore that Supplies Are Not For Use On Any Living Human, and are for Practice Use on Manikins Only. Therefore, I merely fondled the packaging and did not open my Foley Catheter Tray or any of my various and sundry Syringes.
Tomorrow we learn how to draw up medications from ampules and vials, which we must do with at least 80 percent accuracy. (Does anybody else find that a bit scary?) Thursday we will orient further, I imagine with three more hours of informative presentations about our clinical placements (where we will trail along after others trying not to look like student nurses) and then we will spend the afternoon practicing our CNA skills on the hapless manikins in the skills lab. Good times!