Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Lurk, lurk, lurk

Zucchinis lurk. They lie in wait beneath their huge, ideal-for-concealment leaves. The leaves are scratchy which deters all but the most intrepid gardener. It's all part of the plan for Worldwide Zucchini Domination, in which we are all reduced to fertilizer components except the few they keep enslaved to run the hose and shovel the components around on their vast fields thick with zucchini plants. They will achieve this by growing so large that they smother us unexpectedly when we go to harvest them and they fall on us as we try to lever them into the wheelbarrow, after which they will lure our impressionable children outside by mimicking the ice-cream truck song. They will then wrap their tentacles around them and the enslavement begins. I am sure of this. It will take time but if they can just reach saturation density in the suburban garden vector, the plan will go forward and we can all stop worrying about the prime interest rate and prayer in the schools and all that crap that doesn't matter anyway. In a way, it will be a blissful relief to most of us.

Last night I found four more monsters hiding under a heretofore unexplored region of the zucchini sector of our garden. I managed to wrestle them into a bag and hand them off to a trained expert before they started recruiting vegetables growing in the adjacent rows (tomatoes and beets) to join them in their nefarious plans. They will be reduced to zucchini bread and other tasty delights before the end of today, so I am told.

End zucchini imperialism! Saute' a few in garlic butter today!

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