Monday, July 25, 2005

Life Going On

I'll pick up Beany's ashes tomorrow.

Although I am unspeakably sad, and a bit bewildered that the world can go on without Beany in it -- (to give myself a little credit, I felt this same way when my Grandmother died, so it's not like I'm unable to connect to humans -- just in case you were worried) I'm not crying constantly anymore, only about once a day, usually right when I go to bed and there's nothing to distract me from that awful moment of losing him, of his limp body on the table and no life left in him at all. It just doesn't seem like it could happen, let alone did happen.

I guess that's the thing about death. You can't wrap your head around it. No wonder people go a little batty when people they love die. It's incomprehensible.

I finished the bulk of his memory book, it's mostly just a glorified photo album with captions and stories about him. Well, how he came to me, the great Wintertime Adventure of '96, and how he died. Other stories will come about and I will further embellish the book when I have time, hopefully this week.

Other than that, things are normal. Our sidingwalla Kenny has been here, we have a gloriously brick-red front door, and the gutters are painted, and the patio roof is half done. Some siding to be put on the side and back of the house. Home stretch.

Delia drinks through a straw! And ate with a stubby little toddler fork today! Sure, it was about three noodles out of an entire meal, but it's a start!

She played in the pool twice today in addition to her shower. I think we have a waterbaby on our hands.

Must hold down couch now, feeling a bit unwell, think it was some questionable blueberries a friend brought over. The season was so wet that they mold up fast, they were not questionable on Saturday but by now have gotten a bit mushy. I ate a few this morning. Nobody else had any and nobody else is having troubles so I think that must have been it. Argh.

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