Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bitter, Table for One

For some reason as I woke up for the umpteenth time in the night my brain started rehashing a recent conversation with my father. This, coupled with the noise emanating from A Person In Close Proximity To Me Who Shall Remain Anonymous, resulted in my getting out of bed. In part as an attempt to head off the inevitable violence that would result had I stayed in bed, as That Person is difficult to wake and I was getting mighty peeved at the levels of sleep-enjoyance that I was experiencing. Which is to say, "nonexistent."

So, the conversation, which takes place on my 40th birthday:

(My cell phone rings)

Me (while getting out of car to enter MembershipCo store): Hello?
Dad: Well hello there.
Me: Hi, Dad, how are you?
Dad: Oh, pretty good, pretty good. Say, I called to tell you that Your Evil Stepmother's job with Gigantic Construction Company is closing ahead of schedule and she's taking another one at the airport expansion out in Major East Coast City. You know, conveniently close to where her kids all live. Far from here. Not near any of my family such as my children or elderly mother or other relatives.
Me: Oh, well I understand how it goes. Believe me. I certainly do. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Dad: Well I'm glad you do. Hey, we're selling most of our crap because given the state of the housing market right now, we're reluctant to buy a house that we might have trouble unloading later should her kids move away from that area, forcing us to relocate yet again. If there's anything you might like, let me know.
Me: Well, we pretty much have everything we need... although we do want to replace the living room couch, as it is an antiquated futon that was chewed on by the dogs when they were puppies.
Dad: Oh, except the couches. Those are spoken for by someone who we barely know, because they asked first, and we can't be bothered to tell anyone that we want to give my kids first crack at anything!
Me: Oh, okay. Well, I can't think of anything else we would need. ....Well, I should get going, I'm here at MembershipCo.
Dad: Oh, are you doing a little shopping?
Me: Yeah, we're having a sort of a... get together with friends tomorrow. September 8th. The day after today, September 7th. Perhaps in celebration of something.
Dad: Well, that sounds nice. I'll let you go then, because I am a clueless idiot and have forgotten every single one of your daughter's birthdays so far, so why in the world should I remember yours? Although that Evil Wife of mine, boy, she never forgets any of her kids' or grandkids' birthdays! But she usually doesn't remind me of yours, your brother's, or any of my grandkids' special days. What a corker she is. Ha! Ha! Ha! Talk to you later!
Me: Okay, bye Dad.

Okay, so maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but I have helpfully included the subtext for those reader(s) unfamiliar with my particular family dynamics. Or more like family statics.

One day I will not be bothered by any of this.


Elizabeth said...

I can't believe he forgot your birthday! What a sucky thing to do.
I hate Evil Stepmothers!

Elizabeth no longer in England said...

Wow - I thought my Dad/Evil Stepmother combination was bad, but yours wins hands down. And I'm very sorry for that.

But we remembered! We love you! We wish we could smack your dad upside the head with stinky cheese!

yellojkt said...

My parents sent me an anniversary card three weeks late after visiting me the weekend before it.

The also get the date wrong on the family calendars they print every year.

And welcome to the 40s. It's really not too bad here.

Mel said...

Gah! I want to poke him in the eye!