Monday, May 23, 2005

Do they make jogbras for your ass?

Right. Went for a walk/run today. Or a walk/"hurry." I don't think it qualifies as running if you are going almost the same speed as you were when you were walking.

As I was feeling self-conscious, I walked to the park which is heavily wooded and ran within the heavily wooded parts where nobody could see me. I'm sure the neighbors noticed the wildlife stampeding away as I thundered through the forest like an arthritic rhinoceros... Anyway I "ran" in 30-second to 1-minute increments within a lot of huffy-puffy walking. There was sweating. There was panting. There was a whole lot of jiggling, especially in the back 40. See, this is why I wanted to run where nobody could see me: as a courtesy to others.

Anybody who has met me can confirm that, ahem, Baby Got Back. And I can't blame it on the actual baby, either. I am the same size now as before getting pregnant, although some parts have settled during shipping. Anyway I got this super-strappy double-reinforced flying-buttressed running bra to keep the upper parts from wobbling, but how to keep the rest of the island from collapsing into the sea? It feels like my butt is going to calve off like an iceberg, which would be totally okay with me if it could really happen, but since it's not likely to, I would like someone to draft up a sort of elastic sling I can wear under my shorts. Sure, sure, I could order up one of those "slimming" mummy garments from the Carol Wright catalog (along with some marital aids since I'm ordering and all, wink wink), but I need something a little more comfortable which will allow me to actually breathe while running. Or hurrying. So, you enterprising types get on that and get back to me, mmkay?

Delia of course came along in the jogging stroller which we borrowed from J's sister across the street. She was happy to munch crackers and guzzle from her sippy cup, watching the scenery inching by.

Now I am busy tidying up and getting dinner ready like a good little Suzy Homemaker. Except that I'm really blogging. Ha! Some hausfrau I am.

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